Scary stuff

I wanna write a bit about last night. As you know We've been co-sleeping with L since 3.5 months. I placed him in bed and slept way better than getting up and spending hours trying to get him to go back to sleep in his crib. CIO is not for us. Anyway last night as any other nights, we went to sleep. L was nursing and I sleeping. Dh was watching a movie. I woke up around 12 p.m. both boys passed out, the T.V. still on. I got up to turn it off, when I returned to bed I saw L on his side. He never ever sleeps on his side he always is on his back. I though it was cute and went back to sleep. I woke up around 4ish. As a nursing momma to a very hungry boy it's very uncommon to go almost 6hrs of sleep without nursing. I swear to god I thought L was facing down. I waited for what seemed the longest seconds of my life to see or hear him breathe. He didn't. I immediately grabbed his limp, sleeping body. He was facing up. He was startled that I grabbed him like that but I didn't disturb his sleep. My heart was racing so fast I could practically hear it.I spent a minute with my hand over his chest and I couldn't believe how crazy my head had spun. I know that the risks of SIDS are when you co-sleep. I never have anything around him, meaning pillows, covers. I'm always fully alert. But last night for some reason I felt so scared of him being in my bed. I thought I'd share. I'm so sorry if this TRIGGERS any bad thoughts or memories to any of you.