Our city

I don't think I'll ever tire of living so close to downtown Chicago.

It is so beautiful.

Whether it is summer or winter.

Or my favorite..FALL.

It is absolutely gorgeous.

This weekend we took the kiddo to Millennium park

He had so much fun

He even tried drinking the fountain water.

I think the city gets more fun the bigger Lucas gets.

We only wish we could have that as a backyard.

Birthday week..DAY-DOS!!

Pictures throught the months ..
He has changed sooo much!!
I love him to pieces

rumbunctious

Birthday week DAY-UNO!

So I've expressed my goal & dream to one day become a photographer.

Obviously I have practiced on my kiddo many many times

And I will continue to practice on him. 

While I'm not even remotely ready to be a professional 

L allowed me to do his birthday pictures

I clearly gave him a family discount ; )

I took him to a forest preserve

Along with balloons

Him dressed so damn cute, with a bow and all

and I started shooting,

I still have to edit a lot, In order for me to like my silly little pictures

I know They aren't the best focused or sharp

My equipment isn't there yet

But still I tried to capture him smiling 

I'm starting to realize, Photography is hard.

Yet I will continue to pursue the dream.

These are the pictures I took of my son for his invite, I feel kinda silly because I feel anyone can do this. 

This one ultimately made it to the invite, not sure why but I loove it (below)

Forgive me..

I have failed in mentioning some of my strongest supporters in all aspects of my life. Close to two years ago when I had my loss. I found myself researching and trying to find an answer to why this happened to me, I came across this little website called Webmd. I typed in miscarriage, all these different links to facts and statistics came up. Along with those links came the "board". For months after my m/c I allowed myself to lurk around. I read story after story, some sounded just like mine, others were beyond tragic. After falling pregnant I joined a new board, this was called ; Pregnancy after loss. Everyone here was holding on to some hope. We were all basically hoping for the best but always knowing that the worst was to come or could come. That if it happened once or twice it could happen again. These women became my dearest friends. It feels so weird to write that because I have yet to know them in person. In October it will be two years since I joined, and I'm so thankful I did.

We come from all walks of life. Some of us newly married, some divorced, some single. All different ages, I think I'm among the younger of the crew. We also have all different backgrounds and we all come from different cities.From WA state to FL and in between.Some of us breastfeed and co-sleep, others bottle feed and cloth diaper .The one thing we have in common apart from our losses & love for our kiddos is mutual respect. Even with so many different types of women in our little group, we've all managed to avoid disagreements. Mainly because we support each other's decisions. We don't dwell on the "mommy wars". While I do believe breast milk is best, I have never and never will judge another mother for her choices.Motherhood is hard enough, our society is already doing that for us. We have fun discussing each others private lives and making fun of lame exes. They have been there through my pregnancy and my child's first year of life, and I hope they stick around for many more. I love those girls.

This July & September I will meet two of them. I already feel like I know them, since I'm closer to them than my "real" friends. I'm so excited to meet them, and to hold those sweet little babies I've seen grow up via pictures.

Boy & dirt

What is it about dirt that makes boys nuts!!
Or kids in general.
I don't have a baby girl, but I was one. 
And yes, I loved getting messy & dirty.
L is getting into everything, yet we haven't baby proofed.
I guess it just means We have to be on our feet at all times.
Times like these, I really wish we had a house with more space. 
I want him to explore his little heart out. 
To be a kid as long as he possibly can.
With boundaries and rules of course.
I never want that sense of adventure to ever leave his little body.
This is just the beginning

These days

We've been so busy, This weekend is my Dh's Fiesta de graduacion. 

Finally after 4 yrs of schooling my dh has graduated. 

We are so proud of him!!. I've been planning and buying stuff.

 Spending money is easy to do. 

Lucas is just along for the ride.

 I took my best amateurish pictures of him for his 1st birthday. 

We've been in and out of the house.

 Sometimes nursing him is our only relaxing time. Also big news..

I think we will start TTC babe # 2.

 I still have yet to get my menstrual period, so I think it will take a while to get pregg.

 I'm not gonna chart anything, we're just gonna wing it. 

It's basically how we do everything.

 We are not a great planners.

 I can't even imagine our lives with two kids. Havoc!!!!

Sorry for the random rambling these days.

All grown up :/

THIS WILL TAKE SOME TIME GETTING USED TO....

Baby steps

It's official. Ladies & gentlemen, we have a walker. It seems like it just happened over night.Over the last couple of days he has been doing a better job walking. He has been cruising for about 2 months now. Yesterday, he was going steady more than usual. He would hold my hand and take steps, I would let go and he would keep on going. Then all of a sudden he would fall. Then we tried again, then again, then fall some more. Today in the morning it seemed like it would be the day.He took 10 continuous steps. He was standing by the t.v. and all of a sudden he started walking. I expected him to fall after 5steps or so but no!. He just kept going and going until he reached his destination. Then he returned to his original point. It was all just beautiful. I just had to record that. He seems like he has been doing this forever. Like he was born to walk. Obviously its a major milestone. One that many babies go through, still I feel like he is the most amazing being ever. To get his little chunky body to walk straight probably took a lot out of him. I almost cried, but I was too busy being shocked. I mean the kid took so long crawling. He recently barely started using his knees to crawl. I though he would do it after his birthday. He never ceases to amaze me. His dad and I love him to pieces, and now we will have to run for our lives. L walking means terror and lots of fun to come!! cannot wait to see more. Maybe see him run next week. Who knows. 

1 1 M O N T H S

Lately I've been uploading L's videos to YT

he was 6 mos, wobbly and fragile

Today he seems so mature

So strong

So independent

No longer a itty bitty baby

He nurses 3 times a day

he dances

babbles like hell

and give us the silliest smile

And walking..sorta!!

He cruises like the best of them and sometimes 

he just walks over to me.

happy 11 months

sweet child of mine

Rebel

This precious little ball on energy is hitting.

:(

It makes me sad.

I guess this is really what motherhood is about.

It isn't perfect, but I never imagined him hitting.

Yes, he get's angry, or at least to me he looks angry.

He throws a fit and his arms go flying.

Flying at me and I hold them, he gets more upset.

So this is where we are at.

I don't believe in discipline. 

But how to go about this.

To make sure he knows it's wrong, perhaps he's too young

Well, yes he is to young.

Still I hope we can teach him right from wrong.

thrush

Stupid THRUSH!!!!
According to babycenter....
Thrush is a common and harmless yeast infection in a baby's mouth that can affect your nipples during breastfeeding. Yeast is a normal part of everyone's digestive system, but when there's an overgrowth, an infection sets in.


ugghhhh.. just what we needed.
L has it.
I just noticed it today in the morning.
I thought it was dried up milk or throw up.
I guess it doesn't always affect the mama because I'm intact.
We've began applying stuff to the area
Happy Weekend.




Here's just a cute pic of the boy to get us through this weekend.

A gold medal or something

Baby sitting is hard. Shit!
I've been watching Aaron for 2 day now.
I have a new found respect for babysitters
It takes so much patience.
I wasn't blessed with that virtue.
Yeah, I'm a mama but somehow it is not the same.
Obviously I take care of Lucas day in and day out. 
Only 3 days a week do I have to leave him for 6hours with his dad.
But A(14mos) is with a stranger (me) He doesn't trust me.
For some reason I can't comfort him, maybe I suck.
He cried for 30 min after his mama left last time.
This time it was wayyy better thank god!
I wanted to rush him to the potty as soon as I heard him pushing (lol)
It's one of the thing I do with L.(EC)
But I'm following instructions tho, It isn't my kid.
Baby sitters deserve a gold medal or something great like a 1000 bucks.
I know that me baby sitting isn't permanent, but I would never choose this as a profession.
My hubby joked that this is what having another babe would be like..
I don't believe that for a second..It in no way does this accurately depicts what our life would be with 2 babes.


Anyway, I had to take them out of the house.
One would cry, then a sympathy cry would ensue!
After ten minutes they both passed out.
L was in the carrier and A in the stroller.
Success!!!!!!!!!!! 

HURRAY FOR SLEEPING BABES!!!!!!!!!

.

Party planning is a bitch

Man!..ok so I'm not much of a planner
and my spontaneity sucks..I always end up needing something vital.
Anyway, I'm hoping to plan I've been planning L's big 1st bday for a while now.
I'm so excited to celebrate with everyone my little guy.
In addition I'm planning my Dh's( darling husband) "Fiesta de graduacion".
I know a Mexican themed graduation party! So close to Cinco de Mayo lmao!
I't getting down to the wire. 
For Lucas the theme is color.
Just plain color explosion everywhere! Rainbow if you must.
People have been asking.."what's the theme". I say color or brights..or the rainbow.
I get a crazy look.
Well I'm kinda used to those anyway.
I rebel against buying anything themed, at least until L is addicted to some cartoon.
He doesn't have any "popular cartoon" anythings. 
These items are too expensive and over rated.
But alas..I know he will see something on the pesky t.v.
(that I try to avoid getting him hooked on) 
and I will have to give in, at least an inch.
I am a sucker for his smiles.
I will be taking pictures for his invite.
Last year around this time I was sitting uncomfortably on the couch writting him a post 
on his dear babe mommy journal.

May 8 (32w6d)

Hello beautiful baby , Today is a great day. Your moving around and it’s oh so lovely it’s a little hot but I love it because the days are numbered until we meet you . In seven weeks you should be here with us, next to me and daddy. We’ll I’m not going to lie that I’m not a bit scared but not as much as I think I should be. Anyway about Lola, She’s doing well but I can’t wait until that cast comes off and she’s back to her normal self. It’s so stressful and daddy and I have to deal with it. I would really want her up and well by the time you get here. I really think that she’s gonna have a really hard time when you get here because she has been my only baby for so long and I love her but there’s tons of love to go around. She’s forced to be caged at this moment with a cone around her head because she can’t keep it on. But enough of stress let’s talk of you. Well I haven’t seeing a picture of you in like three months and I really want to see what you look like. Although all that matters is your health I still wonder who you will take after. I mean not to brag but I was an adorable child : ) . I really hope to teach you to be kind and to always be grateful for what you have and not think of what you lack off. I even have a hard time understanding this sometimes and feel bad when I think I lack some material item that I don’t need. I’m really trying to change that about me. I guess it has to do with how I was raised not having much and always wanting to preserve everything I got. I hope I’m a great mom to you. Till next time ..love MOM

It still makes me sad to read stuff about Lola..I'm sad she won't be in L's life. 

Anyway 6 weeks until 1'st BIRTHDAY! 

Let the official countdown begin!

hot lovely days

Amazing weather can really brighten your day.
Lucas is such a little outdoorsy kiddo.
His favorite things include..Eating and rolling in dirt, sticks, and  grass. 
He so desperately wants to learn to walk.
I'm sad about his independence, just a little.
He doesn't want to baby wear anymore 
and I have noticed he's not as interested in breastfeeding lately.
Today we didn't nurse until 2ish.
He wants to explore! 
And we will encourage it.
I hope to wean slowly and painless :)
it's happening soon I know it

ec troubles

blah!
I never ever want to force my child to do anything he doesn't want to do. So lately he has been kinda crazy about standing. He cruises like it's nobody's business! Doing balsy moves across the couches and gaps between the ottoman. Anyway, he now refuses to sit on the potty. He wants nothing to do with, It has now been 2 weeks since he last pooped in there. He still pees but no poop:(. Also he doesn't seem to mind to be wet! He never has. I have started to notice that putting him in the potty this early will help us in the future...I'll will keep posting on our EC adventures. I hope i see poop soon, oh btw he has pooped obviously just not in the potty. Perhaps it's my fault messing up the schedule.

Just because they are cute!

                                 Seeing these two together melts my heart. Love them to pieces!

We officially live in the zoo. 

             "Small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys"

unknown

espanol

I'm bilingual..
I really want Lucas to say that loud & proud
Knowing two languages hasn't always been easy on me
I still get my vowels confused
E sounds like Spanish i...it killed me
I want him to speak them both well and not be ashamed.
So many times as a kid I was ashamed of my parents.
Their lack of English really embarrassed me.
I didn't understand why they couldn't just speak it.
Why I always had to translate everything.
Sometimes to my advantage.
 I took advantage of their trust and lied if I was in trouble
"Nope that paper said I'm a great student Ma"
It isn't easy learning a new language..I know. 
My parent's try, hard!
They go out of their way to speak with my husband.
I'm no longer ashamed. I'm extremely proud.
They are pretty great grandparents that are helping me
They are the ones that will make sure Spanish makes it's way into Lucas' brain
He's a sponge, He will know Spanish if its the last thing I teach him.
He will love me for it when he's older.