Baby steps

It's official. Ladies & gentlemen, we have a walker. It seems like it just happened over night.Over the last couple of days he has been doing a better job walking. He has been cruising for about 2 months now. Yesterday, he was going steady more than usual. He would hold my hand and take steps, I would let go and he would keep on going. Then all of a sudden he would fall. Then we tried again, then again, then fall some more. Today in the morning it seemed like it would be the day.He took 10 continuous steps. He was standing by the t.v. and all of a sudden he started walking. I expected him to fall after 5steps or so but no!. He just kept going and going until he reached his destination. Then he returned to his original point. It was all just beautiful. I just had to record that. He seems like he has been doing this forever. Like he was born to walk. Obviously its a major milestone. One that many babies go through, still I feel like he is the most amazing being ever. To get his little chunky body to walk straight probably took a lot out of him. I almost cried, but I was too busy being shocked. I mean the kid took so long crawling. He recently barely started using his knees to crawl. I though he would do it after his birthday. He never ceases to amaze me. His dad and I love him to pieces, and now we will have to run for our lives. L walking means terror and lots of fun to come!! cannot wait to see more. Maybe see him run next week. Who knows. 

1 1 M O N T H S

Lately I've been uploading L's videos to YT

he was 6 mos, wobbly and fragile

Today he seems so mature

So strong

So independent

No longer a itty bitty baby

He nurses 3 times a day

he dances

babbles like hell

and give us the silliest smile

And walking..sorta!!

He cruises like the best of them and sometimes 

he just walks over to me.

happy 11 months

sweet child of mine

Mama's new shoes !

I'm getting more and more into buying clothes & shoes.
Shoes are kinda icky, at least in my mind.
but i fell in love with these and just had to buy them.

Still w/ us & bedtimes

The family bed.
Lucas is still sleeping w/ us.
I've given up putting him in his crib after first night feeding. I'm exhausted at night.
Not lazy! just sleepy, 
Plus we're all happier sleeping together!!
I love it ( sometimes i'm on the edge of the bed)
Seriously hate hate hate that I didn't do it sooner, like right after he was born.
However, he does sleep in his crib more often now. Naps especially.
His bedtime is around 8:30
He seriously cannot be up later than that.
His night-time routine is dinner, bath, book then nursed to sleep.
I place him in his crib and he sleeps until 12-2 ish.
He doesn't fight us much when it comes to bed.
That allows mom & dad do spend a little more quality time, write on here or edit pics.
Hopefully he can sleep a little longer as he gets older
Maybe even sleep through the night someday
For now this will do.
We will sleep together because it is what works best for us

Light at the end of the tunel

...We finally have a lawyer that we love.
He gave us great hope about my case. He said If all goes well, In 4 short months I will have me a lgc..(little green card) Ha. I found some required paper work, that shows that I came here legally but my parents over stayed their permit. So over the moon, mainly because we can breathe easier. I can't wait to visit my grandma in Mexico. I can't wait to finally have some kind of honey moon. Ahhh I cannot wait. I will keep you posted.

to remember

Spring always makes me reflect.

It make's me realize of all the beauty the winter hides and

 it makes me a little sad.

Two years ago today, I lost a tiny babe.

I had a miscarriage.

At the time we weren't married my dh & I.

We agreed to just have a baby.

We weren't prepared but knew we loved each other.

We knew that we would figure it out.

We started "not not trying to get pregnant" in Dec.

By February I was pregnant. 

I called my DH, and he was thrilled.

Naive us, we told the whole world.

We didn't know that heartache was to come.

Our families were so excited.

Our friends were so excited.

We were beyond excited.

Then It was over.

I was supposed to be 13 weeks, the babe passed at 8 weeks.

I had just celebrated my first Mother's day to be.

I wasn't showing, but I attributed that to it being my first pregnancy.

I woke up a lovely spring day.

I felt amazing, no morning sickness finally.

After all those sucky days it was awesome.

I saw a bit of pinkness at the bottom of my underwear.

then a little darker pink.

then it was red, I started to panic.

I called my dh, and he was worried.

We had sex the night before, could it be just that.?

Then I was a little blob. 

And I knew it was a miscarriage.

I didn't tell my dh i knew

I told him it had to be because of the sex, it was common.

Maybe I wanted to hold on to that and believe it.

In the emergency room, I kept on assuring him it was nothing.

He looked so worried.

Then we went in, after hours of an uncomfortable catheder and ultrasound.

It was confirmed, the baby had stopped growing inside me.

She said "I'm sorry" and I lost it.

No longer we're we going to be parents.

I t was so painful, both phisically and emotionally.

I was on the cold table, crying while still enduring the last of the u/s.

I couldn't look, I didn't look. 

All I saw was him, his eyes filled with tears and holding on to me.

I couldn't believe it, I was screaming.

They discharged me with instructions.

Everyone was so cold hearted, they probably see it all the time.

But I needed some empathy, some sympathy or a little bit of compassion.

I don't know how I made my way back to the car.

We got in and drove home, both in tears.

We finally got home, and I ran to Lola.

Clinging to her smile, and hugging her as she licked my tears away.

She knew.

I sat out on our little deck, watching the sun go down.

While tears streamed down my face.

He was sitting next to me, trying to say something, anything to make it hurt less.

It didn't work.

He put my needs in front of his as he has always done.

He allowed me to grieve.

We had to tell everyone.

Relive it time after time.

The pain from that miscarriage will stay with me forever.

I look at Lucas and see that he is here because another babe didn't make it

I'm thankful for him 

That he is here, healthy and happy.


Women of loss are changed forever.

Rebel

This precious little ball on energy is hitting.

:(

It makes me sad.

I guess this is really what motherhood is about.

It isn't perfect, but I never imagined him hitting.

Yes, he get's angry, or at least to me he looks angry.

He throws a fit and his arms go flying.

Flying at me and I hold them, he gets more upset.

So this is where we are at.

I don't believe in discipline. 

But how to go about this.

To make sure he knows it's wrong, perhaps he's too young

Well, yes he is to young.

Still I hope we can teach him right from wrong.

Bandwagon

I've got 50 sog!! Fever.
Holy hell is this book UBER HOT & SEXY..I started reading it two days ago and I'm done
Completely in love w/ its characters. Specially Drak & twisted Mr. Grey.
Its incredibly controversial and had me blushing a lot. I became completely consumed by the plot and look forward to reading the next in the trilogy. 50 sd.

sunday goodness

HAPPY MONDAY!

btw! This whole outfit was thrifted(except shoes :/) shirt(gap) 3.99..skirt(petite)..2.99

we had an amazing mothers day.

The Shwabe tradition consist of the women of the family seating back, and the men serve us brunch. Just lovely. We had mimosas, i had one glass. Gosh i love my child and I'm so lucky to be a mother.

thrush

Stupid THRUSH!!!!
According to babycenter....
Thrush is a common and harmless yeast infection in a baby's mouth that can affect your nipples during breastfeeding. Yeast is a normal part of everyone's digestive system, but when there's an overgrowth, an infection sets in.


ugghhhh.. just what we needed.
L has it.
I just noticed it today in the morning.
I thought it was dried up milk or throw up.
I guess it doesn't always affect the mama because I'm intact.
We've began applying stuff to the area
Happy Weekend.




Here's just a cute pic of the boy to get us through this weekend.

Feliz dia de las Madres

Mama.
I know I haven't always been the best kid
I know for sure at times I was the worst.
I've had anger in my heart many times against you
Not knowing, sometime selfish.
I've known that things aren't always what they seem.
That you scarified a great deal to make sure we we're clothed and fed.
Thank you. I love you.
Thanks for working those late nights & sometimes having to bike there (crazy)
Thank you for moving me out of that very toxic environment against my better judgement 
assuring that I graduated high school.
I've wronged you so many times. 
And that time you slapped me because I called you names..I deserved it.
No violence isn't the answer and you apologized a second after. But you have to know that I was so mean to you and know that I needed to be brought back to reality. You never hit me before this.
Having L has opened my eyes to how hard you had it.
Although our relationship has improved dramatically I still have lots to apologize.
I hope to start with this..




Te quiero y te adoro Madre mia.


I have no pictures of us ..when i was younger. You don't know how much I hate that.

wishes

wishful thinking..


i wanna wish for the following things
1.full time job for the hubs.
2.health for my gpa
3.a million bucks


2 out of three wouldn't be bad 

A gold medal or something

Baby sitting is hard. Shit!
I've been watching Aaron for 2 day now.
I have a new found respect for babysitters
It takes so much patience.
I wasn't blessed with that virtue.
Yeah, I'm a mama but somehow it is not the same.
Obviously I take care of Lucas day in and day out. 
Only 3 days a week do I have to leave him for 6hours with his dad.
But A(14mos) is with a stranger (me) He doesn't trust me.
For some reason I can't comfort him, maybe I suck.
He cried for 30 min after his mama left last time.
This time it was wayyy better thank god!
I wanted to rush him to the potty as soon as I heard him pushing (lol)
It's one of the thing I do with L.(EC)
But I'm following instructions tho, It isn't my kid.
Baby sitters deserve a gold medal or something great like a 1000 bucks.
I know that me baby sitting isn't permanent, but I would never choose this as a profession.
My hubby joked that this is what having another babe would be like..
I don't believe that for a second..It in no way does this accurately depicts what our life would be with 2 babes.


Anyway, I had to take them out of the house.
One would cry, then a sympathy cry would ensue!
After ten minutes they both passed out.
L was in the carrier and A in the stroller.
Success!!!!!!!!!!! 

HURRAY FOR SLEEPING BABES!!!!!!!!!

.

Party planning is a bitch

Man!..ok so I'm not much of a planner
and my spontaneity sucks..I always end up needing something vital.
Anyway, I'm hoping to plan I've been planning L's big 1st bday for a while now.
I'm so excited to celebrate with everyone my little guy.
In addition I'm planning my Dh's( darling husband) "Fiesta de graduacion".
I know a Mexican themed graduation party! So close to Cinco de Mayo lmao!
I't getting down to the wire. 
For Lucas the theme is color.
Just plain color explosion everywhere! Rainbow if you must.
People have been asking.."what's the theme". I say color or brights..or the rainbow.
I get a crazy look.
Well I'm kinda used to those anyway.
I rebel against buying anything themed, at least until L is addicted to some cartoon.
He doesn't have any "popular cartoon" anythings. 
These items are too expensive and over rated.
But alas..I know he will see something on the pesky t.v.
(that I try to avoid getting him hooked on) 
and I will have to give in, at least an inch.
I am a sucker for his smiles.
I will be taking pictures for his invite.
Last year around this time I was sitting uncomfortably on the couch writting him a post 
on his dear babe mommy journal.

May 8 (32w6d)

Hello beautiful baby , Today is a great day. Your moving around and it’s oh so lovely it’s a little hot but I love it because the days are numbered until we meet you . In seven weeks you should be here with us, next to me and daddy. We’ll I’m not going to lie that I’m not a bit scared but not as much as I think I should be. Anyway about Lola, She’s doing well but I can’t wait until that cast comes off and she’s back to her normal self. It’s so stressful and daddy and I have to deal with it. I would really want her up and well by the time you get here. I really think that she’s gonna have a really hard time when you get here because she has been my only baby for so long and I love her but there’s tons of love to go around. She’s forced to be caged at this moment with a cone around her head because she can’t keep it on. But enough of stress let’s talk of you. Well I haven’t seeing a picture of you in like three months and I really want to see what you look like. Although all that matters is your health I still wonder who you will take after. I mean not to brag but I was an adorable child : ) . I really hope to teach you to be kind and to always be grateful for what you have and not think of what you lack off. I even have a hard time understanding this sometimes and feel bad when I think I lack some material item that I don’t need. I’m really trying to change that about me. I guess it has to do with how I was raised not having much and always wanting to preserve everything I got. I hope I’m a great mom to you. Till next time ..love MOM

It still makes me sad to read stuff about Lola..I'm sad she won't be in L's life. 

Anyway 6 weeks until 1'st BIRTHDAY! 

Let the official countdown begin!

hot lovely days

Amazing weather can really brighten your day.
Lucas is such a little outdoorsy kiddo.
His favorite things include..Eating and rolling in dirt, sticks, and  grass. 
He so desperately wants to learn to walk.
I'm sad about his independence, just a little.
He doesn't want to baby wear anymore 
and I have noticed he's not as interested in breastfeeding lately.
Today we didn't nurse until 2ish.
He wants to explore! 
And we will encourage it.
I hope to wean slowly and painless :)
it's happening soon I know it

ec troubles

blah!
I never ever want to force my child to do anything he doesn't want to do. So lately he has been kinda crazy about standing. He cruises like it's nobody's business! Doing balsy moves across the couches and gaps between the ottoman. Anyway, he now refuses to sit on the potty. He wants nothing to do with, It has now been 2 weeks since he last pooped in there. He still pees but no poop:(. Also he doesn't seem to mind to be wet! He never has. I have started to notice that putting him in the potty this early will help us in the future...I'll will keep posting on our EC adventures. I hope i see poop soon, oh btw he has pooped obviously just not in the potty. Perhaps it's my fault messing up the schedule.