7mos Post-pregnancy

Before baby! Wasn't my hair awesome..it bagan thinning out after this

 Some days I feel defeated. I feel like I'm looking at another person in the mirror. The baby blues are not something that worry me now because I feel happy through the day. It is something serious thought, I had a little bit of the baby blues a week after Lucas came home. I was very sad all the time, I argued with my hubs for every little thing. If he had something to say I started crying.I felt like I wasn't doing a good enough job with L.The moment I realized this wasn't me, I was sitting in a Jewel parking lot crying my eyes out. It was the first time we had officially taken L out and it was the fourth of July. The fireworks started and if you know me you know how much I love them, but I was sitting there with a sleeping newborn and I was just sobbing.My hubby had gone into Jewel to get a couple of things. I needed help.Thankfully it only lasted those crazy first weeks. In retrospect, I have no idea how we survived. I don't mean that in a scary way, I don't think I had it heavy enough where I was contemplating harming my baby or me.I do know that those sheets at the gyno's office where they ask you to rate your sadness, kinda helped because after a while I knew I was a little happier. It's very scary to know how prevalent it is and how many women don't get help. It is true that when you are in it you don't realize how much it affects you.

With that said, some days I feel very ugly.I'm not depressed because I have so much fun with my boy. We laugh and play, I do silly noises. We sit on the potty and sing the potty song. I laugh with the hubs and we have a not so often intimate life but I enjoy it :)..(he will kill me for writing this but it's true) I have dropped all my baby weight and more, and that honestly is a problem. My jeans fit way to big, I know this is gonna sound like poor me! Who the hell complains about loss of weight.? I don't have money to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe.So I think I may have to indulge in a little ice cream and chocolate to fill my pants out. Also my hair is thinner and falling out. I was very proud of my hair and now I look like a little lion with tons of tiny little hair all around. I feel ugly. I know it's not permanent but its not what I imagined me as a mom. I guess when we're pregnant we have so many expectations of what motherhood will be like. All of those have been shattered for me. Being a mom is far more rewarding and far more exhausting that I thought. Hopefully I can take a little more time to comb my hair and feel a least a little better, can't wait for spring and for those little hair buds to grow ... :   ] Adri